The Tudors had such a bad attitude,
They exude turpitude and ingratitude
They were proud they were loud, they were vain they were mean
One hysterical pregnancy, one virgin queen.
No one in history behaved quite like that,
They’d chop off your head at the drop of a hat
Their quarrels were frequent
Their morals were low
But of course no one decent would dare tell them so..
No one dared boo the Tudors
Or dared sue the Tudors
Or, except in the bedroom when bare, screw the Tudors.
No one lewd as the Tudors
Could feud as the Tudors
Or lacked quite so much gratitude as the Tudors.
No one chewed, as the Tudors,
So much food as the Tudors
Or brewed so much beer and then spewed as the Tudors
No one wooed like the Tudors
Or screwed like the Tudors
Or rudely chase girls in the nude like the Tudors
The Borgia’s were gorgeous but not on a par
They made killer cocktails which went far too far
And some of their daughters slept with Papa
But compared to the Tudors who do they think they are?
No one rude as the Tudors
Or as crude as the Tudors
No one came quite so quickly unglued as the Tudors.
Heads were hewed by the Tudors
Thumbs were screwed by the Tudors
Who was ever in such a bad mood as the Tudors?
The Caesars were geezers
Who killed just for fun
The Romans read omens
And killed by the ton
But compared to the Tudors
They were just having fun.
Folks were used by the Tudors
Then refused by the Tudors
Then totally and utterly confused by the Tudors
First amused by the Tudors
Then abused by the Tudors
Their intimate body parts bruised by the Tudors
To conclude with the Tudors
Not one dude since the Tudors
Has ever produced such a brood as the Tudors
Wives accrued by the Tudors
Lives rued by the Tudors
No one so psychologically screwed as the Tudors!
From the non-existent musical Rack of Ages by Irving Boleyn.
- c) Eric Idle
Monday, October 20, 2014