<\/p>\n
When this autobiography was first mooted, people laughed.\u00a0\u00a0 Eff hasn\u2019t even read a book they said, let alone written one, but as I said\u00a0 to my publisher, if I’m gonna have me own autobiography, which tells me own story in me own words,\u00a0 I want somebody good to write it.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 So that is why my first words are to thank Ian Scramm for helping me wiv all the boring bits of an autobiography,\u00a0 like writing it down and typing it up. \u00a0Wivout him I couldn\u2019t have written this book.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s my name on the cover and I remember everyfing.\u00a0 People say \u201cOh Eff, he can\u2019t remember nuffing because of all that stuff he took to help him play guitar so loudly\u201d but that is not true.\u00a0 I only took medicine to help me stand up.\u00a0 I have spent a lot of time lying down in my career, thanks to the various medications that I was forced to take by the stresses of society, but people don\u2019t realize that it’s not easy to take all the drugs, all the sex and all the money, without napping a bit on stage, and yes it used to annoy the others, \u00a0but it was me people came to see fall over.\u00a0\u00a0 And nowadays people look up to me; at least when I’m standing up.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Looking back on it I\u2019ve bin pretty lucky.\u00a0\u00a0 But it couldn\u2019t have happened to a nicer bloke.\u00a0 Or a prettier.\u00a0 Nature has been very kind to me, and I have bin described as having the face of an angel, and the balls of a racehorse.\u00a0 Or was it the face of a racehorse and the brains of an angel?\u00a0\u00a0 No, that was Celine Dior.\u00a0\u00a0 Still in rock and roll it doesn\u2019t hurt to look good and without me The Knobs<\/em> would never have got nowhere, because it was me that created the name The Knobs<\/em>.\u00a0 Well I wrote the first half anyway.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s got to be the<\/em> something\u201d I said, and thank heaven they listened to me for once.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know why, but some inner voice, call it God if you like, was telling me that somefing very big was about to happen.\u00a0 Somefing in its way as big as the discovery of gravity by Stephen Hawking, who is a big Knob fan by the way and has both our albums, including the very hard to find Strangling the Badger<\/em>, which many people have credited wiv helping him discover Black Holes.\u00a0\u00a0 And that wouldn\u2019t surprise me at all because we discovered so many black holes between here and Maidenhead. \u00a0\u00a0Of course it all started wiv Iron Midden<\/em>, they were heavy shit.\u00a0\u00a0 But even without them, and our accidentally borrowing a few of their songs The Knobs<\/em> would still have been something that they are today.<\/p>\n Nowadays almost every jumped up prat in rock and roll is publishing an autobiography and some of them don\u2019t even have the decency to pay a writer, they just do it theirselves.\u00a0 Cheapskate bastards.\u00a0\u00a0 At least Ian bothered to do research, and wait till I was awake and then talk to everyone I reckon I ever knew, and yes we teased him a little by setting fire to him now and again and throwing him off the boat in Crete, but he recovered very well, and took it all in good heart, because he knew we were only playing, and we all wish him well, and hope he\u2019ll be out of hospital soon.\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway the book\u2019s almost done, the cover looks great, and there only remains the heavy bits like reading it, and being on the telly selling it, which I am quite looking forward to. But it has been a long hard road, and mercifully Ian has been down every highway and written it all down in me own words.\u00a0\u00a0 Now I expect he’ll want money.\u00a0\u00a0 But that’s people innit.\u00a0 They always want a piece of yer.\u00a0 As I say in me song, life has a way of biting you in the bum.\u00a0\u00a0 And that\u2019s become an anthem.\u00a0\u00a0 So, I hope you\u2019ll buy both our old albums, and maybe even come and see us on the road, who knows:\u00a0\u00a0 I might fall over!<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Cheers mate<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Steff.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n c)\u00a0 Eff Steffham.\u00a0 32 Tax Haven Street, Willesden.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Tour dates:\u00a0\u00a0 (not yet confirmed.)<\/p>\n The Wordsworth Centre, Lake Windermere<\/p>\n Redditch Cemetery.<\/p>\n Parkhurst Prison, for a reunion with Soggy.<\/p>\n The Mud Festival Wales<\/p>\n Burning Itch Outdoor Weekend<\/p>\n The Concert for the Poor (cancelled due to lack of sales.)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The Rock and Roll Memoirs of Eff \u201cStiffie\u201d Steffham. When this autobiography was first mooted, people laughed.\u00a0\u00a0 Eff hasn\u2019t even read a book they said, let alone written one, but as I said\u00a0 to my publisher, if I’m gonna have me own autobiography, which tells me own story in me own words,\u00a0 I want […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-230","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=230"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":232,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/230\/revisions\/232"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=230"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=230"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=230"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}