A sweet Valentine\u2019s Day spent saying goodbye to the wife and daughter. This is the hard bit, saying farewell and leaving home.\u00a0 Tania and I wept copiously through the last episode of War and Peace<\/em>.\u00a0 Lily went off to see a strange group which had Tickling in the title.<\/p>\n Now it\u2019s D Day. Or Bidet as the French call it.\u00a0\u00a0 For the next three days I shall be in the air.\u00a0\u00a0 I take off Monday night and I arrive Wednesday morning.\u00a0\u00a0 What happens to Tuesday?\u00a0 I cross the International Date Line (named after Jerry Hall) and magically Tuesday disappears.<\/p>\n It all seems so unfair.\u00a0\u00a0 I am told I shall get it back on my return, but will I have to apply for it?\u00a0 Or will I have to fill in some government form to claim it?\u00a0\u00a0 And if I do get it back, will it still be a Tuesday or just some other random day, like a wet Wednesday or a soggy Saturday? \u00a0\u00a0These things worry me.\u00a0 I will have to write to Deepak.\u00a0 I\u2019m sure he\u2019ll have some advice about the Quantum of Qantas.<\/p>\n While I\u2019m gone what will you all do? Wait anxiously by the phone for news?\u00a0 Lovingly search Twittergram for snaps taken by fellow passengers?\u00a0\u00a0 Binge watch something nasty and violent on TV, like the Republican debates?\u00a0 Well, you\u2019re just going to have to man up, or woman up, or, alright transgender up, and face this absence on your own.\u00a0 I can\u2019t do everything for you.\u00a0 Although I have prepared a little something for you.\u00a0\u00a0 Think of it as a light repast or late supper in case you are starved of news from the Tour.<\/p>\n January was a rotten month when I lost another friend.\u00a0\u00a0 I have been thinking a lot about David Bowie.\u00a0\u00a0 We shared a very unlikely friendship in the eighties and nineties, with many great times on holiday.\u00a0 People don\u2019t know that he had the greatest sense of humour.\u00a0 He loved to laugh. \u00a0And he laughed loudly and often.<\/p>\n In 1991 he was kind enough to loan me his beautiful Balinese home on the island of Mustique for six weeks while I wrote a movie. (Splitting Heirs<\/em>.) I can\u2019t begin to describe the beauties of this house, or the amazing views, perched high on a hillside overlooking the Caribbean.\u00a0 But this is the cheeky letter I wrote to thank him for our delicious stay\u2026..<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Britannia Bay House, <\/em><\/p>\n Mustique, <\/em><\/p>\n West Indies.<\/em><\/p>\n April 10th 1991<\/p>\n Dear David,<\/p>\n Just leaving the house.\u00a0 One or two things.\u00a0 The fire is nearly out.\u00a0\u00a0 I think the hillside looks better all bare and black, and Arne agrees.\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s a sort of Japanesey look, but post-Hiroshima.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 About twenty minutes post, but at least it\u2019s not radioactive, unless there was something toxic in the Octagonal Room, which is still blazing nicely. It\u2019s almost a shame to put it out.<\/p>\n The open air dining area will be much more pleasant too, as soon as we clear the rubble from the remains of the roof.\u00a0 Fortunately we had concreted over those smelly old fish ponds to give you a nice cement patio area, for disco dancing or barbecue, and we were able to get some real artificial straw umbrellas in red and yellow, so there is a nice Spanish “feel” about the whole entrance place now.\u00a0 And the little straw donkeys are very welcoming instead of all that Balinese Buddhist bullshit, if you’ll pardon my French.\u00a0 As a special gift we’re going to get your name on a bullfight poster – don’t ask us how, it\u2019s our treat.<\/p>\n We made one or two other slight “alterations” while we were here.\u00a0 No need to thank us, it\u2019s been our pleasure modernising the place and making it look a bit more like it belongs.\u00a0\u00a0 Tan and I had just visited the Ideal Home Exhibition so we are “up” on the latest developments in home improvements.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 First of all, all that old wood had to go.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It had little holes in it, probably made by woodworm. It looked like it had come from Thailand or some other unfortunate third world place where they can’t get decent hardboard.<\/p>\n \u201cThighland, more like,\u201d laughed Doreen, who has been helping us with the decor. Anyway, we made a nice big bonfire of that and have replaced it all with top grade washable white Formica.\u00a0\u00a0 It looks as clean and nice as Lionel Blair. And about as useful Doreen wanted me to add.<\/p>\n The rest of the woodwork we have painted a cheery orange, and there really is an Ibiza-during-German-Week feeling to the place.<\/p>\n \u201cDavid’s going to like this\u201d said Doreen, \u201cit has all the warmth of a Berlin detox ward, with none of the company.\u201d<\/p>\n Fritz, the new Butler, is very friendly and knows some quite good marching songs from the War, where he served with distinction in the S.S.\u00a0\u00a0 I\u2019m afraid we had to let Joel go, it wasn’t fair to keep him on. He just couldn’t “dig” the improvements.\u00a0 Tragic really, but if you can’t “go with the flow man, you’re history babe” as Doreen said when she told Mr. Webb to leave.\u00a0 He refused to serve fish fingers or baked beans.\u00a0\u00a0 Imagine!\u00a0\u00a0 So we’ve stocked up the freezer with Big Macs and the microwave’s been burning overtime.<\/p>\n After we finished the redecoration (and the Rangoon room looks stunning now we chucked out all that heavy furniture and livened it up with scatter cushions and bean bags, very Sixties…!) the floors looked kind of bare so we put down some nice Cyril Lord, with maroon flecks, that will “wear” well even though the basic violet takes a little getting used to.\u00a0 But as Doreen says, if you’re gonna stay ahead in style you’re gonna have to take a few risks.\u00a0 Personally I think the diamante dogs on the ceiling are a bit much, but Doreen said anybody who can appear in front of the British public wearing only carrot hair and a jock strap is not going to baulk at a few fey gestures on the ceiling.<\/p>\n Oh, curtains.\u00a0 All that sliding screen business just felt too foreign for Doreen, so she’s run up some lovely fabric she had sent in from Beatty’s in Birmingham.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 It\u2019s called “Our Queen”, and I think you’ll be very happy with it.\u00a0\u00a0 The corgis too should remind you of the dogs, the last of whom, even now is burning in the Octagonal Room.\u00a0\u00a0 How we shall miss his yelping.\u00a0 But as Doreen said, \u201cI’m not risking these shoes just to save a dying animal.\u201d<\/p>\n The rest of the staff have run away, but Chlorine and Mrs Reid are coming, and as Doreen said, they may not be any good, but they did work for Princess Margaret.<\/p>\n The plastic tiling will be here any day to replace the weedy “flowers” that had grown up everywhere.\u00a0 \u201cYou could hardly move for bloody plants\u201d said Doreen, and she ripped away for days,\u00a0 and her with her back too.\u00a0 But she’s a martyr to it when she’s got the bit between her teeth.<\/p>\n \u201cAnd don\u2019t ask which bit\u201d she just cackled.\u00a0\u00a0 She does have a marvelous sense of humour for someone from near Birmingham.<\/p>\n Well must dash.\u00a0 I have to leave before Basil and the Mustique company find out we’re going.\u00a0\u00a0 Our little joke on them:\u00a0\u00a0 we’re leaving without paying!\u00a0\u00a0 How they’ll laugh eh?\u00a0\u00a0 Naughty us.\u00a0 But what with all the champagne and lobsters it was getting a bit too much…..!\u00a0\u00a0 If they come running to you just you tell them it was nothing to do with you.\u00a0 They’ll only get spoiled if people pay all the time.\u00a0\u00a0 And I bet you that Basil has a bob or two tucked away.\u00a0 If only that jellabiya could talk.\u00a0 I said to Doreen, \u201cI bet that’s seen some action.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cServed under the Royals\u201d she said curtly, and I think we knew what she meant. She was cheeky enough to ask him if anything was worn under the jellabiya, and he said “No, everything’s in perfect working order!”<\/p>\n Laugh?\u00a0\u00a0 We almost wet ourselves.<\/p>\n Oh the other night a Kitty Kelly was over for dinner and she wanted to know all the poop on you, “just for a giggle.”\u00a0 It was just harmless gossip and she promised it wouldn’t go any further, so we let go a few ripe anecdotes.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Were your ears red?\u00a0\u00a0 Anyway, we tended to exaggerate, especially the bits about you and the llama, and she seemed very impressed and wrote everything down, but still, no harm done eh?<\/p>\n Well chuck, it\u2019s been a pleasure, and we’ve certainly had some laughs.\u00a0\u00a0 The fire’s almost out now, and the whole place looks lovely, all orange against the blackened hillside.<\/p>\n Let\u2019s hope we can come back again soon and really finish the job,<\/p>\n lots of love from Eric, Tania, Lily (and<\/p>\n <\/del><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/del><\/p>\n <\/p>\n Chapter Five: B Day. A sweet Valentine\u2019s Day spent saying goodbye to the wife and daughter. This is the hard bit, saying farewell and leaving home.\u00a0 Tania and I wept copiously through the last episode of War and Peace.\u00a0 Lily went off to see a strange group which had Tickling in the title. Now […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/588","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=588"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/588\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":591,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/588\/revisions\/591"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=588"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=588"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ericidle.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=588"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}} <\/p>\n <\/p>\n
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